Mission: Happiness — How to Achieve Peaceful Coexistence with Your Demons

Dr. Jerry Don Smith Jr.

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After nearly 20 years as a psychologist, I’ve learned two universal truths about humanity: first, we all have demons, and second, most of us are terrible at dealing with them. When I say “demons,” I don’t mean the kind that require a priest and some holy water. I’m talking about those nagging insecurities, old wounds, irrational fears, and the little voice in your head that always seems to chime in at the worst possible moment. You know the one — it sounds like your high school gym teacher and loves to remind you that you’re not doing enough.

For some of us, these demons are like unruly houseguests who refuse to leave. They drink all your metaphorical beer, hog the couch, and criticize the way you fold your laundry. For others, they’re more like stealthy ninja assassins, lurking in the shadows and jumping out just when life is starting to feel manageable. Either way, they’re there. And let me tell you something that might surprise you: that’s okay.

The Truth About Demons

Here’s the thing about demons: they’re not going anywhere. You can try to ignore them, yell at them, or throw self-help books at them, but they’re stubborn little buggers. And the more you try to fight them, the more they dig in their heels. This is where most people get stuck. They think happiness means banishing the demons forever, but that’s like trying to evict squirrels from your backyard. You might get rid of one or two, but more will always show up.

The goal isn’t to get rid of your demons. The goal is to learn how to live with them without letting them take over your life. Think of it as achieving peaceful coexistence. It’s like being a landlord who sets firm boundaries: “You can hang out here, but you’re not allowed to trash the place or scare off the neighbors.”

Meet Your Demons with Curiosity (and Maybe a Little Humor)

The first step in befriending your demons is to get to know them. I know, I know — this sounds counterintuitive. Why would you want to spend time with the very things that make you miserable? But hear me out.

Your demons aren’t random. They’re usually rooted in something real — an old wound, a fear of failure, a childhood experience that left a mark. Instead of treating them like the enemy, what if you approached them with curiosity?

For example, let’s say your demon is the Voice of Perfectionism. It’s the one that whispers, “You’re not good enough,” every time you try something new. Instead of yelling back, “Shut up, Karen!” (I mean, feel free to name your demons; it can be oddly satisfying), try asking it, “Hey, Karen, what are you so worried about?”

You might be surprised by the answer. Often, our demons are just misguided protectors. They’re trying to keep us safe, even if their methods are… less than helpful. Once you understand what they’re afraid of, you can start to reframe the conversation.

Set Boundaries with Your Inner Critic

Now, just because you’re trying to understand your demons doesn’t mean you have to let them run the show. Picture this: your demons are like backseat drivers. They have opinions — lots of them — but you’re the one behind the wheel.

When your inner critic pipes up with its usual doomsday predictions, try responding with compassion but firmness. “I hear you, and I know you’re trying to help, but I’ve got this.” It’s like talking to a well-meaning but overly anxious friend. You wouldn’t let them grab the steering wheel, but you also wouldn’t shove them out of a moving car.

Embrace the Messiness of Being Human

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned from working with military personnel is that resilience isn’t about being invincible. It’s about being adaptable. It’s about acknowledging the hard stuff, leaning into discomfort, and finding a way to move forward anyway.

Life is messy, and so are we. We’re all walking around with a mix of strengths and flaws, victories and regrets, courage and fear. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of happiness. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to keep showing up, doing your best, and forgiving yourself when you fall short.

A Little Humor Goes a Long Way

One of the best tools for dealing with demons is humor. It’s hard to take your inner critic seriously when you imagine it wearing a clown nose. Laughter doesn’t make the demons disappear, but it takes away some of their power. It reminds you that you’re bigger than your fears, stronger than your doubts, and capable of finding joy even in the messiest moments.

So the next time your demons start acting up, try cracking a joke. Picture them in ridiculous outfits. Give them silly names. Turn them into cartoon characters. Whatever it takes to remind yourself that they’re not the boss of you.

Mission: Happiness

Here’s what I want you to take away from this: happiness isn’t about eliminating all your struggles. It’s about learning to navigate them with grace, humor, and a whole lot of self-compassion. It’s about making peace with your demons, setting boundaries, and giving yourself permission to be human.

So, my fellow imperfect humans, let’s raise a glass to our demons — not to celebrate them, but to acknowledge them. Because they’re part of the journey, and they’ve probably taught us a thing or two along the way. And the next time they start acting up, just remember: you’re the one in charge. You’ve got this.

Now, go forth and conquer your mission. Happiness is waiting, and you’re more than ready to claim it.